During Thanksgiving week, I would guess that most everyone takes at least a quick moment to think about what they are thankful for. This year, my thankfulness was put to the test.
But first, let’s rewind a bit.
Last year, during the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, I found out that I was going to have my second miscarriage. At the time, it was really hard to be “thankful". Although we have been doing our best during all of the miscarriages to stay positive, and by all means, we do have plenty to be thankful for, it has been a very sad, emotional, and stressful couple of holiday seasons.
We ended up staying home in Beaver Dam for Thanksgiving. We didn’t see our family and we had take out Chinese food for dinner, so definitely not what we are used to….but, we had a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and we had each other. So, although we were dealing with sad emotions, we did still take the time to count our blessings.
Fast forward to this year’s holiday season when we found out we were expecting again {more to come on why it has been a year since the last time we were pregnant}….although we found out earlier {calendar wise} that I would be miscarrying, we still missed out on Thanksgiving with our family again this year. But, just like last year, we are still blessed with a warm home, good jobs, plenty to eat, and love and support from our family {and each other}.
However, the day before Thanksgiving something happened that completely changed the perspective I had on the past three years of my life and made me see, even more so, that I am truly blessed to have the life that I do.
As I ran a couple of last minute grocery errands on Wednesday, I got a call from my doctor. I had been to the doctor {or had at least blood work done} Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday morning. The cause for such a great amount of “monitoring” as I miscarried was due to the fact that this pregnancy was an ectopic cervical pregnancy {more on this to come later}. After the results were in on Wednesday, my doctor knew I needed to have another round of methotrexate {more on what this is to come later} and another round of misoprostol {again, more on this to come later}.
A week ago, I had my first visit to the oncology area of our hospital. Methotrexate, the drug used to treat {in part} ectopic pregnancies such as mine, is an “oncology” drug. When I went in to have the shots administered, the oncology area was pretty quiet. Although there was another gentleman there, seemingly having chemo {I do not know this for sure, but it is what I assumed}, the area itself didn’t seem quite as “sad” as I thought it would be.
When my doctor called to tell me I would require another round of methotrexate, it was 12:30 and that the oncology area needed me there at 1:00 to be able to fit me into their schedule. “Fit me in” was an understatement. They were swamped. I couldn’t even get a designated “room” when I got there, I waited in a “resting/sleeping” area.
After two hours of waiting, the nurse came to give me my shots. She, of course, apologized for the wait and obviously felt bad about it. I realize there are many different reasons {greater than what my “treatment” was going to be} for an oncology treatment area to be busy for, therefore I tried to emphasize to her that the wait had not been a problem {she was obviously having a stressful day}. I tried my best not to add to her stress, and keep my little appointment light hearted, but I did politely asked if the Thanksgiving holiday was to blame for the additional work that day….I really was just trying to show her some sympathy and maybe give her a chance to let out some steam.
She explained to me that although they would have been busy just based on the schedule that they had pre-booked in treatments, one of the oncology doctors was constantly sending over new patients {after consultations} to have initial {and immediate} treatments administered – this, therefore, was the reason for the long waits and overfilled areas.
It was in that moment that my thankfulness level was really put into perspective.
Although I knew I was going to be sick most of the day on Thanksgiving due to the methotrexate and misoprostol, I realized it in no way compared to how the dozens of patients all around me were going to feel the next day.
Although I didn’t ask any more questions {it is not like she could explain to me what other patients were there for more than already shared}….I couldn’t help but imagine that some of the folks around me just had a cancer diagnosis confirmed.
At this point, all I could think was that some of them were not concerned that this Thanksgiving wouldn’t be that great, but that this Thanksgiving could be their last. And what about their family members who were now going to have to learn {on Thanksgiving because they do not get a chance to see them that often} they may only have a short time left with their loved ones? Although I tried to imagine what all of this would be like to go through, in reality one can ever fully understand what it is like unless having gone through it themselves.
When I came home to tell Graham about the appointment, I didn’t even really talk about my shots, but more about how badly I felt for all of those people. We both agreed that we had plenty to be thankful for. We went to sleep that night counting our blessings. We were thankful for the fact that we would be able to share not only this Thanksgiving together, but we had {hopefully} many more to look forward to.
That night, instead of praying for ourselves to have strength the next day, we prayed for all those other patients that were in the oncology area to have strength to get through this holiday season. Graham and I will be visiting with some of our family and loved ones in a couple of weeks and you better believe each and every one of them will be getting an extra hug or two….
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